i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
