I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You were trust falling into bushes
I have tasted many bathrooms
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
