9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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