He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
this is an emotional support booty call
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
