operation harelip BJ is a go
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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