Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
