I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
