She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
