I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
