its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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