Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
