you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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