Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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