Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
