I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
