I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
