It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Boobs speak an international language.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
