What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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