I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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