can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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