yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
