k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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