I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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