When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
