never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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