he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
