just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize