WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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