I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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