u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
