Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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