There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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