He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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