Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
