the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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