I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
