I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
