would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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