I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
