Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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