don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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