im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
