EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
