Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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