Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
