Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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