Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
