dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
