I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
