I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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