i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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