If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
