So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
