Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
