i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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