He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
