It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
