If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
