Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
