Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
