Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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