i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize