Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
