im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
