I should be sponsored by Trojan
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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